Letting Go To Find Yourself

letting go

“Without a compass, without a map.
With no knowledge of future paths,
I’m ready to give up on looking back.”

As I glance back over this past year, I am dumbfounded at the changes that have occurred for the good the bad and the very much ugly. I look back at this time last year and I emotionally feel that I am in a very similar space.

This time last year I was sad, emotionally drained and not in a very good place. A person that’s been in my life for almost four years had decided to move on without me, and I fought tooth and nail to get her back in my life, and I got her, but couldn’t hold on tight enough. 

Our road and journey has been a very challenging process, and neither of us truly know what the “missing” element is. I look at her, into those beautiful green & blue eyes and see the person that I’ve been searching for, the person that fills that void within my tattered heart, and shines so much love and light that it’s almost as if I’m floating in the clouds, looking down on the world wondering why nobody else has this sensation. 

On the surface, we have an amazing relationship, but behind closed doors, we know somethings off and have been wracking our brains trying to figure it out. It should not be this much work! You’d think after almost four years we would have figured it out, but we haven’t.

Sometimes, things just don’t line up and that’s okay. We are not a couple that fights, we don’t argue, we have our moments where things can become a bit intense but nothing that lasts more than a few minutes.

I believe that we wholeheartedly respect one another and value what each of us brings to the relationship. A connection and love unlike anything that I personally have ever experienced. 

After living with one another for the last several months, it’s opened my eyes to see her in her rawest elements. No holds barred, what happens happens and everyday for me has truly been a blessing, waking up besides her and the amazingly awesome moose man her French Bulldog.

We rest our heads at night in each others arms, I lightly stroke her brown hair out of her face and kiss her forehead multiple times. Gently massaging her shoulders and side of her neck, watching her eyes slowly shift to the back of her skull in complete relaxation.

They say it’s the little things that make you love someone and I truly believe that until you get to see the person you cherish and hold close to your heart day in and day out, you will then and only then know if that’s the person for you.

I was never not excited to see her, but I found myself unsure of my individual next steps in life, which I truly feel has been a major component to hinder our relationship. She’s always said to me “You can’t make anyone else happy, until you yourself are happy” And the more I’ve looked at my life, I know that I have my personal road to walk down before I can take that walk with someone else.

My uncle once told me “Time Flies & Waits For Nobody” and as I’ve hit my 30′s, I realize just how precious this life we have is, so I’m going to spread my wings and see what 2015 has to offer me.

I’m excited for this new journey and excited to see what’s waiting for me, just beyond the crescent edge


Wind In Sails “Murder Backwards”




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